Two is better than one.

I realize I've missed a couple weeks. I think it was only one. Anyways, I also realized that this blog is mainly for me. To allow me the ability to write and see the different changes in my life over the year. So if I have a dull, boring, uneventful week then there is really no need to blog about it. However, part of blogging is challenging me to not have a dull, boring, or uneventful week at all. Ever. Anyways, that's all I have to say about that.

Life is good right now. I'm content with where I'm at. But still growing more and more in love with Jesus Christ each and everyday. I know the moment I become content is the moment I'm not doing enough and settling. I'm also not going to settle for second best because I know I deserve the very best. :) In lots of different areas in my life. But of course, me being the hopeless romantic I am, mainly speaking in terms of relationships. I've settled way too many times before and I'm not going to anymore. I deserve a man who will open the door for me. Who will meet my parents before taking me out. Who will offer to pay just because it's the gentlemen thing to do. Who will let me choose but not be indecisive. A man with a heart after God. Someone who will call just to see how I'm doing but not text me to the point of annoyance. I gotta miss you at some point man.

Yes, I have expectations..But if I didn't who knows what kind of mess I could get myself into.

I live to praise my Savior.

This week I have really been taken back. I can't believe that for one day, for one SECOND, I could  think I was in control. As if I'm the one telling God where I'm going in life. As if I'm the one giving Him instructions. As if I know what tomorrow's going to bring. As if I can number my days here on earth.
I sit here in awe of how big God is. And I use the word big very lightly. We cannot comprehend the glory of God, how powerful He is, or how much He loves us. After watching Louie Giglio's "How Great is our God" message I have really started to think about how small and insignificant I am. Yet the Maker of the Heavens loves me more than I will ever understand. He wants me. He wants to have a deep and passionate relationship with me. He is jealous for me. And some days I can't "find time" for Him. How can I stand here and now be moved by You? Why am I not content with His love? Why am I constantly searching to be loved by someone who's love for me is incomparable to the love God has for me? I'm not ready to love or be loved by someone else unless I fully understand what the word love really means. God is love. If I want to know what love is I need to know who God is. I need to constantly be longing to know more about Him. I know I will never comprehend how big He is or how much He loves me, but I need to be content with only His love before I can open my heart for someone else's.



1 Corinthians 13:4 "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."

"I look up to the sky and say, You're beautiful."

I lost track of days and forgot yesterday was Saturday...blogging day.


This past week I have just been in awe of my Maker. I read a post that my friend Kasey and written and it really got to me. When we look at a drawing or see something new there's this feeling that we get that makes us want to see more or want to get closer. I want to be that way with what God has created. Every day this week I looked at the mountains and it made me speechless. God created them. He created the canyons that we could stare at for hours, He put every star in the sky, and He calls us His. Of all the beautiful and amazing things that we see in this world, He loves us individually more than we will ever comprehend. That makes me speechless. I want to be on fire for Jesus Christ. I want to live each day more and more in love with Him. I want to be speechless because of all the colors in the sky at night when the sun is setting, not because I saw a new movie that I thought was "amazing".

With all of that being said, tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and what better way to spend the day of "love" than acknowledging that simply waking up is a gift from God. So even if it rains tomorrow, I will thank God for the new day and allowing people the ability to love so freely.

"I am fearfully and wonderfully made."

This week started off like every other week. I went to The Well Sunday night and loved it then worked everyday. I realized how much I love worship on Sunday night. They only played two songs and I just felt like that wasn't enough. I realize worship isn't just how many songs you play or whether or not you know the song, but I just really feel the presence of God when I'm singing worship songs for Him. I've known for awhile that music is my passion and before that God is. So why not combine both of the things that are most important to me and use them to glorify my Maker. I intend on someday being a worship. I don't know if that will be at one church every Sunday, or traveling around and playing at different churches. I would love to experience both. We'll see which door God opens first. Also, on Sunday night the speaker spoke about idols and how much they can affect our life. I realized that I put so many unimportant, material things before God and that's just not how it's supposed to be. It's really hard to comprehend, and I'm still learning, what it means to give everything you have to God. I understand that since everything is His we shouldn't have a problem with giving it all back to Him. But there are days when I just don't quite understand. It's human nature to always want more, but I want to work on being completely satisfied with God's love that I don't need anything more than that. So that's what I'm going to do.

This week I also saw a video that I would highly recommend for everyone to see. I'll post the link and let the video speak for itself. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_e4zgJXPpI4

Also this week I had a really good conversation with one of the customers that came into Teazer. We started talking about religion and we both had good points. I explained to him that I don't need proof to have faith. I have a relationship with my Savior and that's all I need. I don't need a scientist to tell me God exists because He has Himself to me more than enough in my lifetime. He then made a statement about the fact that since I've grown up in a Christian  home I'm pressured into believing what I believe. I told him no one knows my heart except me. No one can tell me what I can and can't believe. No one has pressured me into believing in God. No one is making me have a relationship with Christ. I made the decision when I was 17 to fully commit my life to Him. When I was younger I was baptized and asked Him into my heart. But I didn't really understand what that meant until now. Now that I'm older I am able to make my own decisions, and I have decided to live my life for the One who gave it to me. It was a very healthy conversation on religion which I love. I don't like when I feel attacked for what I believe and I'm glad it didn't turn into that.

"I'm gonna wrap my arms around my daddy's neck and tell him that I've missed him."

(The title is lyrics to the song "Finally Home" by MercyMe. When I decided to come home early from Ohio this song was stuck in my head constantly. I love you, dad.)


I realized in my first post I didn't go into much detail on the things I did last year. After not enjoying my first semester at community college (Fall '09) I decided I was going to take a semester off. That was about three months after I was hired at Teazer World Tea Market. With the semester off I decided I wanted to work more and do things that I wanted to do.

In February '10 I went to Nashville with my dad. He was going for a retreat and I was able to spend a week with my best friend at her college. After being in a dorm for a week and seeing what the college life was the thought of Judson University came back into my mind. I didn't do much with that, other than thinking about the things I would be losing if I moved to Illinois for college (ex. friends, family, church, college group, job, etc.) So I kind of lost the thought and focused more on some of the other things I wanted to do.

In June my college group leader, Zack Darrah, talked to me about an opportunity to move into an apartment for an organization called Care Fresno with three other girls to run an after school program for kids grades K-6 in our neighborhood. At first it went in one ear and out the other. Three days later, I was moving into that apartment. I wasn't interested when he first told me about it because I was "comfortable" with where I was. But after thinking and praying about it I realized God didn't want me to be "comfortable". So I thought it over and took the chance of being out of my comfort zone to see what God would do with it. I can't imagine my summer without my roommates, the kids, and the program. At the end of the summer we were able to take the kids we had been working with all summer to summer camp. That was one of the most rewarding experiences I have ever been a part of.

Towards the end of summer I started thinking about different options for what I was going to do next. At that time all I could see myself doing was working for Care Fresno and continue living in the apartment. About a week before school was starting up again I read an email from the administration at Judson. I contacted them and we were going to try to get me there for the Fall semester. A few things didn't match up and I wasn't able to go. This really challenged me and got me thinking about what I wanted to do and what God was calling me to do. At the end of August/beginning of September I quit my job, packed up my things, and moved to Columbus, Ohio. I lived with my grandma, Aunt Blythe Ann & Uncle Mark, Aunt Deneen & Uncle Neal, the two boys Lucas and Davis, my cousins Stephanie and Krista, and Josh, who was going to college in town and staying at the Lodge(what we've always called my Grandma and Grandpa's house). I moved with the thought that it was going to be the same place that it was when I left it. I proved myself wrong when I came to the realization that I wasn't the only one that grew up in the 11 years I had been gone. I was able to work two jobs. One at Kohl's and the other babysitting every Monday and Wednesday. I enjoyed both for the first few weeks then really started realizing how much I missed my old job and my family. Ever since I moved to California I've been bitter about calling it my "home". I've always said that Ohio is my home and it really is and will be. But moving back showed me that in Fresno is where all of my growing up happened. From hating junior high to high school dances to getting my license and all of the things that turn a child to a teenager and then to a young adult. I really didn't know how much I loved Fresno until I left. 



The Lodge



When I moved I planned on staying until December 8 and then in January I was going to be going to Judson University to major in Worship Arts. As the end of November rolled around I started to get really homesick and felt like God was calling me home. I talked to both of the people I worked for and they both gave me the ok to go early. My dad was able to book my flight two weeks earlier than the original. So November 23 I was on a plane back to Fresno. About a week later I was offered my job back at Teazer and happily took it. Judson was still a thought but I wasn't sure if I was ready to leave home.

It is now the end of January. I'm not in Illinois. I'm not taking classes at community college. What am I doing? I'm still figuring it out. I am, however, working full time and I am finally starting to get back into the swing of things. Sunday night I went to The Well and really felt like God was challenging me to not only step out of my comfort zone but also spend more time in His word each and every day. Every day this week I left for work a little earlier than normal and would have my own personal devotional time in my car. Its crazy how much my attitude has changed this week. I finally feel like my happy, real, God-loving self again. I pray before every shift that God will bring me opportunities to be His disciple. When you ask God to bring someone who needs Him into your life, He doesn't waste any time. I really have had a change of heart over this past week and it's definitely for the better. I am no longer going to sit around waiting for someone else to be God's disciple and show people His love when I have the chance to every day. So now that it's almost February I'm going to make sure that not a day goes by where I feel like I could have done or said something more.

*If you didn't notice there's a lot of  "what I want" in this blog. I'm hoping that as the year continues it will turn into more of what He wants.

"May the words from my mouth and the thoughts from my heart be acceptable to You." Psalm 19:14

I realize we're already heading into the last weekend of January. But I've recently decided I'm going to blog at least once a week all year. It took me awhile to figure out my New Year's Resolutions, but that is going to be one of them. I've never been good with having resolutions that I'm actually motivated to keep or choosing ones that will really be a benefit to my life. So this year I'm making sure it's different. After looking back on 2010 and seeing all the things I did, I realize I'm capable of so much more. And I'm not saying I didn't do much of anything important, but more that I feel like God is really calling me to step out of my comfort zone and really try to be a disciple for Him. Instead of just sitting here waiting for Him to give me "signs", I need to make myself available to receive those signs and be ready to do whatever He calls me to do. So right now I am working full-time, spending more time in God's word, getting involved in my church again, and making sure I'm constantly reminding myself that I'm not "there" yet; I will never be too in love with Christ and I need to always make room for growth.